Hard Day, Tough news

This is the fourth or fifth version of this post. Sorry there are no little slide shows or even cute pictures. It is what it is.

This is by far one of the worst days in my life. Jelly Bean decided he had served his purpose and went home. I know I've heard how silly it is for someone my age to start a new family. When you love someone the way that I love Mandy, and when you enjoy life like we do, and when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt what an incredible parent Mandy is going to make (and she is going to be phenomenal!!), you go with it. Then out of no where you find out that the pregnancy is being terminated, it's like getting kicked in the nuts. You can't breathe or think or even function for a few minutes and then you immediately begin to wonder WHY???

We knew last week there was a small problem, but a quick call to the doctor set our minds at ease. Then today. May 14 Mandy sent me a text message saying that she was spotting again only this time it was heavier and there was clotting. I called her. She said the doctor told her that her body was in the process of rejecting the fetus.
They added that if it became problematic or she started bleeding too much to seek immediate medical care.

At first you rationalize that there was obviously something wrong and this is the best way to correct the problem. But then after you think about it for a minute you realize that after all of the intellectualizing and rationalizing you have done it still comes down to the fact that this was a little spark of life and it was the greatest thing the two of us could ever have done in our lives, and now its over, its gone, it will never be fulfilled and neither will all of the dreams and hope we had for the baby. We were so excited. This was going to be the most awesome baby ever.

I know our love will get us through and we can try again hut just for right now my heart aches for Mandy. She doesn't deserve this. May is her most favorite month between April and June. We get to go to rendezvous and spent two weeks living, learning, loving and sharing our greatest passion with like minded people. Then 2 years ago we lost Izzy and now little Jelly Bean.

We are lucky to have great family and a great network of friends to offer all the help we'll ever need, but we still have to get through this on our own. We love all of you, keep us in your thoughts and prayers for the next little while. Please bear with us and be patient when we have those little moments and need to center. We will get through this.